Look, I’ve been the girl who lit candles, put on silk lingerie that gave me a yeast infection, cooked dinner in heels (burned it), and whispered sweet nothings to a man who couldn’t spell “foreplay” if his life depended on it.
So, if you’re sitting on your couch, scrolling TikTok next to your man who’s drooling over his fantasy football lineup like it’s porn, you’ve probably asked yourself: What happened to us? Or worse: Do I even turn him on anymore?
Newsflash: You’re not broken. You’re bored.
Let’s fix that.
Key Points
- Attraction doesn’t die—it just gets lazy and needs a slap across the face.
- Comfort is the enemy of seduction.
- You can’t outsource desire to Netflix.
- You don’t need to become someone else—you just need to remember who you were before resentment became your co-pilot.
- Your bedroom is not a nap room. It’s a playground. Treat it like one.
Stop Expecting Romance to Knock—You Locked the Damn Door
I used to think passion disappeared because life got busy. Kids, bills, career chaos—I blamed everything but myself. And then it hit me. I traded my sex drive for matching pajama sets and a calendar full of Zoom meetings.
So here’s your slap: if you want that hot, intense, rip-his-shirt-off kind of vibe again, you’ve got to stop treating your routine like a religion. Put away your beige bra. Toss the oversized T-shirt with holes under the arms. Stop brushing your teeth with the door open like you’re a wartime soldier.
Comfort Is a Lie and Lace Tells the Truth
Let’s get real. You can’t feel like a goddess when you’re wearing period panties and a hoodie that smells like Doritos. I discovered Shop At Seduction during a midnight breakdown fueled by Chardonnay and too much scrolling. Their stuff didn’t just wake up my wardrobe. It woke up me.
They ask one question that matters: What turns you on?
Not what turns him on. Not what turns Pinterest on. What turns you on.
Whether it’s latex, lace, or something that vibrates and scares your dog—you’ll find it there.
Bring Back the Art of Tease—You’re Not a Microwave
Seduction isn’t about throwing yourself naked on the bed like a sad rotisserie chicken. It’s about creating tension. Drama. Suspense. You are a walking cliffhanger, baby. Make him wait. Text him something outrageous when he’s in a meeting. Touch his leg under the table. Wear that dress that gives grandmas a heart attack.
And no, it’s not about pleasing him. It’s about waking you up.
Here’s what worked for me:
- I stopped asking, “Do I look fat in this?” and started walking like I owned the sidewalk.
- I wore heels to dinner and no panties. He noticed.
- I made out with him in the car like we were teens.
- I stopped initiating sex like it was a business meeting.
Fix the Sex Script—Because Right Now, It’s Trash
If your night routine is: pee, brush teeth, turn off lights, roll over, snore… you’ve written a script that kills libido faster than a group chat with his mom.
Rip up the script.
Try this instead:
- Have sex somewhere unexpected. Yes, even the laundry room.
- Say what you want. Moaning is not a language. Use real words.
- Schedule sex if you have to. Put it on your calendar. Call it “Board Meeting” if the kids are nosy.
- Watch something together that turns you on, not puts you to sleep.
- Introduce a toy. If it buzzes, lights up, or has a charger, it belongs in your nightstand.
Stop Using “Love” as an Excuse for Complacency
I hear it all the time: “But we love each other.” Cute. So does your grandma and her parakeet. Doesn’t mean they’re getting it on.
Love is great. Passion is better. And it needs effort. You can’t expect the fire to last if you keep throwing emotional wet blankets on it.
Try flirting again. Like, actual flirting. The kind that makes him wonder if you’re about to take him home or ruin his life. That sparkle in your eye? Bring it back.
Go Somewhere You Can’t Predict the Menu or the Mood
Routine kills desire. It strangles it with a throw blanket and puts it to bed at 9:30. If you haven’t left your zip code in six months, that might explain a lot.
Book a hotel. Order room service. Try a restaurant that doesn’t serve bread before dinner. Step out of your life and into something uncertain. Uncertainty fuels desire. Predictability kills it.
And if you whisper something filthy into his ear while waiting for dessert, congrats—you just became the woman he fantasizes about.
Get Naked… Emotionally, Too
I know. Vulnerability is a mood killer when you’re one meltdown away from throwing a fork. But truth unlocks intimacy. And intimacy feeds attraction. I’m not talking about trauma dumping. I mean saying things like:
- “I miss when we used to sneak around like teenagers.”
- “I want you to touch me like you used to.”
- “I feel like we’re roommates. I want us back.”
Say it raw. Say it without crying if you can. But say it.
Stop Being the Nice Girl in Bed—She’s Boring
If you fake it, stop. If you wait for permission, stop. If you think he’s a mind reader, stop. He’s not. He’s just a guy. With a penis. And Wi-Fi.
Take what you want. Tell him what to do. Flip him over. Be the boss. You’d be surprised what happens when you stop being polite and start being real.
Don’t Wait Until He Cheats—Wake Him Up Now
I hate to say it, but sometimes men need a reason to notice what they already have. Don’t wait for a crisis to transform. Become the woman that you can’t take your eyes off of.
Put in effort not because you’re desperate—but because you’re dangerous when you remember who you are. You were a force before bills and bath toys took over your life. Reclaim her.
Here’s Your No-Nonsense Checklist
- Throw out one pair of ugly underwear right now.
- Look in the mirror and say, “I am hot, I just forgot.”
- Send a dirty text today. Yes, now.
- Buy something outrageous that will wake up his fantasies.
- Stop apologizing for wanting more.
Final Words, Babe
If you’ve read this far, congrats—you care. That’s more than most people. You want magic again, not because you’re needy, but because you know what you’re worth. You are not a leftovers girl. You are a candlelit steak dinner with a side of whipped cream and regret.
Spice doesn’t just fall into your lap. You grab it. You pour it. You own it.
And if anyone tells you otherwise, send them this article and tell them I said they’re full of crap.
Now go turn your life into the steamy romance novel you secretly read under your pillow.
You’ve got this. And you’re absolutely still that girl.
